I actually might regret not having children

by Karen Topakian

It’s too late to do anything about it since I’m 55. And past menopause. But I just realized that I will never get to say:

How can you listen to that music?

Where do you think you are going dressed like that, young lady?

Tell your friends not to call during dinnertime.

No singing at the table.

Stop playing with your hair at the table

Chew with your mouth closed

Stop kicking your sister under the table

It’s time we had a talk about sex, boys, girls, drugs…

I don’t care if your friends wear make-up at 7 years old, stay out till 1 a.m., get a tattoo for their 12th birthday…you’re not going to.


I know it’s boring but you still have to visit your grandparents

Turn that off and go to bed

How many times do I have to tell you…?.

This is the last time I’m going to say….!

What happened to the car?

How did you get a D?

Why didn’t you cut the grass, rake the leaves, shovel the driveway like I asked you?

What happened to the money I gave you yesterday?


  1. chris pritchard says:

    It’s never too late to adopt!

  2. Carolyn says:

    “Take your earphones out, I am talking to you (about alcohol and driving, while driving) and I know what I’m talking about and you’re a captive audience and you have to listen to me” and then he laughed…and we both laughed..

    and celebrating a rare, well-earned A+ in Spanish class for his oral presentation of the story of his mother’s hair and his cousin’s hair, earned for its highly entertaining value!

    and seeing your daughter get so excited about how well she did on her latest rowing machine score because she’s on crew!

    mixed with “how could you possibly have a cigarette!””Promise me you won’t smoke”

    It’s all that and more…lol

  3. mary Beane says:

    If you really want to say those things and mean them please feel free to come to the island and spend some time with the staff. They are all great young people, young adults actually, but do incredible stupid shit….I am the mother to them all, I know.

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