Some Members of the Royal Family Don’t Give a Shit About the Royal Baby Others Get Their Knickers in a Twist

Image By Karen Topakian

Nothing to do with me, but it’s very good news,” said Princess Anne, the only daughter of Queen Elizabeth II, when asked about the birth of Prince William’s son.

Princess Anne’s statement remains true to her behavior for the last several decades. Now standing 11th in line to the throne, Princess Anne publicly eschewed the trappings of royalty, going so far as refusing royal titles for her husband and children. (The first of her kind to do so since 1504.)

“She doesn’t give a tinker’s cuss about sitting on that bloody throne,” said Lady Macbeth, Princess Anne’s spokesperson.

Other members of the British Royal Family however, saw their hopes of donning the crown and cape and toting the scepter dashed on Monday, July 22 at 4:24 p.m GMT when the newcomer jumped to third in line.

“I was 6th in line at my birth 77 years ago, “ said Princess Alexandra, a.k.a. the Honourable Lady Ogilvy. “Thanks to that little bugger, now I’m number 43.”

Her very private secretary, Lady Chatterley, said, the Princess believes she would have had a chance at becoming queen if her relatives had “just used some blooming birth control.”

Those who consider themselves close friends of Princess Alexandra know she’s having a cow about this royal birth.

“When St. James Palace announced publicly in December that the Duchess of Cambridge was with child, Princess Alexandra was barmy. She went off her trolley. She kept saying publicly she was jolly about it. But we all knew she was having a wobbler,” said Prince Hamlet who disclosed the Princess’ secret text message, “What does a girl have to do to become Queen around here?”

Princess Alexandra, cousin of Queen Elizabeth II, showed little sympathy for her own granddaughter, Zenouska Mowatt, who now moved to number 49. “She can stand in a queue just like everyone else.”

In other news about the royal birth, the new prince will join the House of Windsor and will become a member of the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburg, which some commentators mistakenly confused with a German accounting firm. 


  1. dibo T. says:

    wait..I thought we, the Topakian patri-lineal family had a higher place in line!!!

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