I actually might regret not having children

by Karen Topakian

It’s too late to do anything about it since I’m 55. And past menopause. But I just realized that I will never get to say:

How can you listen to that music?

Where do you think you are going dressed like that, young lady?

Tell your friends not to call during dinnertime.

No singing at the table.

Stop playing with your hair at the table

Chew with your mouth closed

Stop kicking your sister under the table

It’s time we had a talk about sex, boys, girls, drugs…

I don’t care if your friends wear make-up at 7 years old, stay out till 1 a.m., get a tattoo for their 12th birthday…you’re not going to.


I know it’s boring but you still have to visit your grandparents

Turn that off and go to bed

How many times do I have to tell you…?.

This is the last time I’m going to say….!

What happened to the car?

How did you get a D?

Why didn’t you cut the grass, rake the leaves, shovel the driveway like I asked you?

What happened to the money I gave you yesterday?