Paula Deen Receives Award from Confederate Women’s Organization

Unknown-1by Karen Topakian

Paula Deen, the dean of southern cooking and hospitality, received an award from the Southern women’s organization, PURDY (Pure Uppity Righteous Daughters Y’all), for expressing her true Confederate roots and for keeping bigoted culture and values alive today.

The TV cooking show icon received the much-coveted November 1865 award named for the last month and year when red-blooded Americans could buy, sell and own slaves. (President Lincoln signed the 13th Amendment to the Constitution banning slavery in December 1865.)

“A few weeks ago, we saw Paula Deen as one more Southern woman who liked to cook, bake and hawk hams,” said Beulah Belle Bowden, PURDY’s Grand Mistress. “But after we heard she used the n-word and wanted to dress up young black men to tap dance around at her brother’s wedding; we recognized a true kindred spirit.”

After Deen’s tear-filled interview with Matt Lauer on the Today Show, PURDY decided to also recognize Ms. Deen for her acting ability. “I’ve already asked her to star in the talent portion of our annual Plantation Pageant,” said Grand Mistress Bowden. “Or better yet she could Emcee the ‘slave auction.’”

Ms. Deen secretly accepted the award but denied it publicly. An anonymous source that attended the gala event said Ms Deen “urged people to ignore her TV tears while she kept the Confederacy alive.”

In response to the Food Network and Wal-Mart dropping Ms. Deen for her usage of racist language, she said, “You didn’t see me throw a hissy fit. I just moved to the new network, FIXIN’ (Fresh Ingredients and Xenophobic Inbreeds Network).” Ms. Deen who will star in a program about baking cakes in the likeness of great Southern leaders. “I’ll start with Medger Evers ‘cause FIXIN’ wants me to but I’d have preferred Lester Maddox.”

Caesars Entertainment, which includes Paula Deen themed restaurants in four of their casinos, also dropped her. “Our clientele would prefer to not dine in a restaurant named for a known racist,” said Augustus, a spokesman for Caesars. “We will close all of those venues and return to our roots by naming them after despotic roman emperors, like the “Caligula Café” and “Nero’s Fiddlin’ with Food.”

FIXIN’s headquarters disclosed that the Southern hostess might also lead a live TV show celebrity support group, “Paula Deen thinks she could learn a great deal from celebrities who’ve paid the price and come back on top,” said producer Ben There. “We’re talking to Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan.”

Luck

by Karen Topakian

The luck of the draw. The luck of the Irish. He’s a lucky guy. As luck would have it. Luck be a lady tonight.

Those are the first thoughts that come to mind when I hear the word luck. But last week I used the term to describe myself.

I had been invited to participate in a video interview about creating transparent grantmaking processes. About breaking down the barriers between grantseeker and grantmaker. About finding ways to bring donors and activist grantees closer together. Having spent 16 years of my life doing just this at the Agape Foundation, I easily found my voice despite my year’s absence from the work.

When the interviewer asked why I was so passionate about leveling this playing field, I answered that through no fault or credit on my part I was lucky to be born, white/Caucasian, middle class and well educated. In a society that valued all of those qualities. I felt a responsibility to work for justice because of the privileges that accompanied those valued qualities.

Lucky to be born white. But only because white skin is highly valued. Wrongly, I might add, but it is.

After the interview, I thought about my usage of the word lucky. Would I consider myself unlucky had I been born with a different skin color, belonging to a different ethnicity or race? Do I consider myself unlucky for being born a woman in a culture that values maleness over female? Straight over queer?

No, I am proud and happy to not be those other things, male and straight; despite the advantages those traits carry in the world. Never once did I ever want to be a man.

So why would I use the word lucky to describe my skin color? Because I live in a racist society that considers non-white skin to be less than? Because I too value my skin color and the advantages that it brings? I’m sure many more questions will arise inside me as I think about my usage of this one word but rest assured I will not describe my skin color again using the term luck.