An Alternative Post-Election Letter to Staff

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by Karen Topakian

Though the presidential election took place only last month, it feels like a lifetime ago. As we struggle to accept the news and wrestle with the impacts of a Trump presidency, I’ve drafted some initial thoughts about how our organization will respond during these uncertain times. I want to hear your thoughts as well, because we’re all in this together.

First, it’s time to take a deep breath. Let’s think through this clearly. WTF. WTF. WTF. OMG. OMG. OMG. SOS. SOS. SOS.

Next, I reviewed our organization’s mission and values for guidance. Let’s face it, they are useless. I don’t even know why we have them.

Second, our community needs our support. We should continue serving the most vulnerable people, seeking new funding to expand and increase our services, working towards mutual support with our allies…wait, what? Trump just tweeted Putin would make the best Defense Secretary!!!

Breathe, Karen. Breathe, Karen. Ok, I’m back.

When I read the President-elect tweets bloody vile messages, I think the Communications Department should respond to the whirlwind. But why should they get all the fun while we sit on the sidelines responding to our whiny clients’ constant needs?

Third, we will keep our messaging short and pithy – as did the President-elect so successfully – but populated with facts and truthful statements without dumbing it down instead of how we’ve communicated in the past with excessive explanations.

Fourth, I suggest we work on improving our mental health in preparation for what the next four years will bring. We must stay positive. After looking at several health improvement options, i.e. exercise, diet, meditation, I decided to focus on only one – alcohol. If we work together, we can easily increase our alcohol consumption. I would like to set a goal of one bender a week per person for the next 208 weeks. To kick off the campaign, this Friday at noon we will showcase the new Margarita machine. Feel free to invite friends and colleagues to join us in a show of inebriated solidarity. Therefore, effective immediately, we will add add to our benefits menu, hangover days and TDW – “too despondent to work” days.

Finally, it’s critically important to keep our clients… Sorry gotta go, Trump just tweeted a screed against a toddler for crying at his rally!!