by Karen Topakian
Festivus, a secular holiday celebration that exploded after its introduction in a 1996 Seinfeld episode, includes airing grievances and performing feats of strength. For the past several years, Peg and I have celebrated this event in Belmont, MA with her lefty college friends and their teen-age and adult children. This year, some participants responded to “What’s your grievance?” by uttering only one-word while others posed a question. Here are the highlights:
Trump and the Election
Bernie or Bust people – Fuck You
110,000 people voted for Harambe, the dead gorilla, for president (PunditFact says this claim is a hoax)
Why is the voting age 18? (A college junior questioned whether his peers would know enough make the right choice.).
TV ads for pharmaceuticals (I’d rather take my chances on the disease than the medications’ side effects.)
Realistic video games. I don’t want my video games to look realistic.
Emotional tearjerker commercials. It’s just fucking shampoo.
Parking and Traffic
Uber drivers. They drop people off where ever they want.
Boston drivers (do you really need an explanation?)
Pedestrians surging into traffic
A lack of consistent placement of bike lanes
Belmont, MA roads. Requires the patience of a saint.
The Wilson Farm parking lot traffic pattern. It’s one way for a reason!
Tennis is boring when Serena doesn’t play
Football games are boring
The Cleveland Browns – ugh
Philadelphia sports fans: drunk, sad, angry
Why does every kitchen appliance beep whenever it completes a task? What am I supposed to do, applaud?
My dishwasher treats me like a moron
My new phone doesn’t know my swear words
Google is run by an evil genius
I HATE HAMILTON!!!!!!! (A high school junior rap fan resents the false belief that the musical invented the genre)
Private colleges are a rip-off (said by a private college student)
Pharmacies should designate a colonoscopy preparation aisle that includes Jello, clear liquids and citric acid. Like the wound and incontinence aisle.
Small pockets on women’s clothes
Lifesavers – why are they so hard to find?